The day has come. The conclusion of the Num Num Wars. I’m not fighting it anymore. And because we stuck it out for this long, because we gave it our all, I can be sure of one thing. YOU are making the decision. You are weaning yourself, and I’m done trying to force you to do something you don’t want to do.

I guess this may be the first of many lessons in letting go as a parent. I envisioned us happily nursing until the one year mark. And maybe we still will, but we are no longer going to spend our days battling it out and worrying. We’re going to enjoy each other and you are going to get the fluids and the nutrition you need, even though that means supplementing. You are an individual and sometimes you’re going to call the shots. I can pump, drink mother’s milk tea, pump some more, drink more mother’s milk tea, religiously watch my caloric intake, be as patient as Mother Teresa, pump some more, bribe and ask and pray and WILL you to nurse, but I cannot make you do it. I can’t. So I’m letting go.

After the last 3 days of you basically refusing to nurse except first thing in the morning (despite bribing and cajoling and all the tricks in the book), and after multiple constipated diapers this week, I gave in. It isn’t worth your health. You got formula today, and you couldn’t have been happier about it. There wasn’t even a moment’s hesitation, no wondering look about why it tasted different. You devoured it. You adore bottles. It’s not something I’ve taught you, you just do. You’ve gotten few bottles (breast milk) over the course of your life thus far and I have very, very rarely been the one to give it you. But you love it. You love the ease of it, always have.

When you got that bottle, I expected to feel like a failure, to be disappointed or feel guilty. Do you know what I felt after watching you suck down that bottle?

RELIEF. Sweet relief. And satisfaction. I breathed out a breath that I’ve been holding for the past 3 months (at least) and felt …. at ease. You got your fluids. You got your nutrition. You are going to have a full diaper. We had no tears. No drama. Just one full belly. One happy baby. One happy Momma.

I am still going to offer to nurse you several times per day. I’m still going to pump every night. I’m still going to drink the gross Mother’s Milk tea. I’m still going to keep breast-feeding as much as you will let me. But I’m done with not supplementing. You are going to get and enjoy those bottles from now on. If that results in the end of breast-feeding, I’m okay with it. We made it almost 3/4 of the way, which is a fact – given our difficulties – that I am extremely proud of.

That’s that. I love you my little Num Num Monster.

And in other exciting news, you have your first Tooth! I noticed it the very same day you got your first formula bottle. Perfect timing if you ask me, because you are definitely starting to clamp down when you nurse and I have not been looking forward to yet another nursing difficulty. It’s cute when you clamp down on the spoon when I’m feeding you. I can hear you thinking, “woah! I have traction!” but it’s not’s so cute, when it’s me you’re testing your chompers on. But now I’m not as concerned about it. You can bite down on those rubber nipples as hard as you want, Cookie. Just take it all out on the bottles please. 🙂

Here it is!

It appeared, literally overnight. One day I put my finger in your mouth to check on things and there was nothing, and the next I saw a little spot when you opened your mouth, checked again, and there is was!

You have been a real trooper about it, so much so that I didn’t even know it was on it’s way. You haven’t seemed especially fussy, although all the weird tongue gymnastics of the last week or two suddenly make sense. You aren’t really drooling and your gums don’t appear to be swollen. Hopefully we’re in store for a relatively easy teething period. I hope so, for your sake.

It’s so cute and little and sharp. It’s still strange to me that pretty soon you’ll have a whole mouthful of these things. Can’t you just stay a gummy baby for a little while longer? I suppose not. Time marches.

Another big milestone has overtaken us. You are now capable of picking up your own food and putting it in your own mouth. Way to go, baby! You are working hard on getting that pincher grasp down. You haven’t quite mastered it, but you’re getting really close.

The first finger food I gave you was some mashed up banana chunks a couple of weeks ago. You’ve been eating bananas mashed with a fork and a little bit of water for a couple of months and you handle soft chunks of food really well, even mashing your gums a little bit to squash stuff down before you swallow. So I figured you were ready to graduate to some easy solids, with my constant supervision of course.

You were fascinated. Right away you started with the pawing motion curling your fingers around the gooey morsels. You’d get one or two in your palm and then spend a couple frustrating minutes trying to get the chunks from your closed palm to your mouth. Hehe. It was cute, but I felt kind of bad for you. Every few minutes, I’d pick one up and help you out.

Several times you got a chunk between two fingers like this,…

…and even though that made it easier to get it to your mouth, you still haven’t quite figured out how to let go once the food has reached the desired drop-off point.

Next up, rice crackers. Last weekend Daddy and I went to Babys R Us and picked out some Mum Mum Rice Husk Crackers for you to try out. They’re really airy and dissolve as soon as they get wet, so they seemed like the safest best for a first try at crunchy solids.

No hesitation here either. You knew just what to do.

You spent as much time turning the cracker over and over and passing it back and forth in your hands as you did eating it. You did not take your eyes off that cracker until it was at least half gone. I would say you were a Big Fan,…

…as am I. This, I’ve discovered, is the new best way to distract you for 10 minutes when I need to get something done without having to hold or entertain you. Better than any toy.

I’m going to buy these things in bulk. I can’t wait to have to you try out all the other crunchy goodies, puffs, O’s. How fun! I can tell how cool you think it is that you finally get to feed yourself.

Lastly, more because I’ve read in a couple of places how much you might enjoy the experience than as a source of nutrition, I gave you a big pile of cooked whole wheat spaghetti to see what you’d make of it.

You weren’t so much into the eating of it – although you did try. But you had a blast grabbing as much as you could in both your hands and waving them around. Hilarious.

They should sell babies in the entertainment department. Seriously, there is nothing more fun than watching you experience for the first time all the things we take for granted.

I love you ridiculously, baby. I’m so lucky to be your Momma.