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{ASIDE: This is going to be a new category in your scrapbook, baby – a journal of sorts. My thoughts about family, life, God that don’t fit into Dela’s Scrapbook category. Sometimes I just have thoughts, prayers, ideas, hopes – things that I would love for my more grown up daughter to get to read someday that aren’t necessarily documentation of major events or milestones in your life. A place not for pictures as much as for words.}
People say all the time that having children allows you to know God in a totally different way. Being a parent is something totally different than anything I experienced in life up until the point until I held you in my arms and watched you start growing up.
God is our father. He identifies himself that way. I never really had a clue what that meant until I became your Momma. The spontaneous love and affection you give me is everything to me. When you grab my hand or my leg and squeeze. When you turn my face toward you so that you can give me a kiss. When you turn around to make sure I’m watching because you’re proud of what you just did and you want me to see. When you listen to do what I ask with a smile on your face.
It’s not the forced good behavior that I want, a list of rules followed. I want you to love me. It’s so simple and so revolutionary. It’s what God says he wants from us too “I desire mercy (love) not sacrifice and the knowledge of God rather than burnt offerings.” (Hosea 6:6) And David speaking about God says in Psalm 51 “You do not delight in sacrifice… the sacrifices of God are a broken and contrite heart.” God wants us to Know him and in turn for us to be devoted to him out of love and affection. He doesn’t want us to follow a list of rules. I know this. I have known this for most of my walk with God. But in reality, in my practical experience, I don’t embrace it, live in it. It’s easier to follow rules than to follow God. But it’s not what he wants. And it’s not what I either. There is no fulfillment in following rules. There was never meant to be.
I want you to know your loving Father more deeply than I do. I want you to know that you don’t have to earn what he wants to give you. Really know it deep in your soul. I don’t want you to live your Christian life as a checklist of “dos” and “don’ts”, drawing near to God according to the degree with which you feel you are measuring up. I don’t feel that way toward you, and I am an imperfect Mother. Your perfect heavenly Father wants your heart. He wants you to KNOW him. Everything else (all the dos and don’ts) naturally happen when you seek God, really know him, really love Him. “Draw near to God and he will draw near to you.” (James 4:8). He promises he’ll show up if we do. Everything else follows.